The Things I've Been Thinking

2006-08-07T22:14:00.000-05:00

She is the first to leave.
And I am extremely sad.
She has been there and helped me through so much.
Psychology.
Science.
Boys.
Games.
Car Rides.
Laying out.
Running (or trying).
Fast Food Runs.
Crazy Nights.
Mexico.
New York.
These days are over for now.
But let me tell you, they will come again soon.
Although she is leaving to go to UGA, she will be the first
I will be able to see again.
The Ole Miss UGA game, little cat will be coming to visit,
and I'm already counting down the days.
It's crazy how we have gotton so old.
Although many consider 18 to be young, I feel too responsible,
too "independent" and I haven't even left yet.
I have faith this girl can do it.
She is extremely brave, and determined, and I know she will have
a kick ass experience.
I wish I could be with her, but unfortunatly life doesnt always work like that.
But she knows I'm there in spirit.
And we will all meet again soon.
But for now, I wish her the best of luck.
And can't wait to see her again.

The Devil Wears Prada (And we ALL want to!)

2006-08-01T10:14:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was an ordinary day, but not such an ordinary night.
I attended the movie the Devil Wears Prada
which I found to be very entertaining.
Now you wouldn't think A lesson was to be learned from this movie,
this light, fun, and girly movie, but actually
I learned a very valuable lesson in that dark FREEZING movie theater.
A lesson I've known for a very long time, but one
that I have blocked out.

Why do we all so desperately care about the way we look?
Why is it so important to be skinny? Well dressed? Chic?
Who was the one that decided that these things were good qualitys,
something that we all must strive to be.

Anne Hathway, who played an ordinary girl was the perfect example of this type of girl I am talking about.
And I see a lot of myself in her.
She strived to be a journalist, something she was very passionate about, but since that job was impossible to get at the time, she did something different, something a girl like her wouldnt normally do, and that is becomming an intern for the editor of RUNWAY, a fashion magazine.
Throughout the movie she changed the way she thought about life.
She began to care what she looked like, stress over work, ruin relationships with not only her boyfriend but her family and friends, and conformed to the lifestyle many of the RUNWAY girls were overally obsessed with.

Even though she made many mistakes, she figured out at the end who she really was, and that changing herself and her prioritys didn't make her, or anyone else happy.
Now I'm not saying it is bad to love clothes, love fashion, love being in shape, but if it ruins the things in your life that our most important (relationships, a career you love, youself) then you shouldn't worry about it.

We all obsess overy our weight, our hairstyle, our "perfect" clothes, but really it shouldnt matter.
As a good friend of mine recently said, "we will all eventually be ugly, so make sure you know that when you marry someone."
Wise words...and VERY true.
Substance is much more imporant, and your inner happiness and strength.
I've changed a lot in the last three years.
In ninth and tenth grade I wore my hair up every day, a teeshirt, and express jeans.
But that didn't phase me, because I was happy.
I've realized that I have become too involved with the way that I look....
trying to "Dress up", get slimmer, etc...
But if that doesn't make me happy, short term or long term, then in no way will I be able to make the people I love and the things I love enjoyable and happy also.

So thank you Anne Hathway, and The Devil Wears Prada Crew, and of course my Mom, for paying the 7 dollars and going with me to see that entertaining and valuable movie.

Bravo!

A Blurred Image

2006-07-25T22:56:00.001-05:00

College, Relationships, Religion, Life.
Its always blurry.

Life Is a blur, and always will be.
I just need to go with the flow more often.
Just live in the moment.
Not be afraid to come accross as scattered.
Unorganized.
Confused.
Scared.
It's crazy how blurry things have gotten.

I'm never sure what I should do, how I should act.
Instead I'm walking around in a daze.
I need to wake up,
and realize things will always be blurry,
and theres no need to sit around and try to fix it.

It's time to start living a little.

A New Discovery

2006-07-23T15:02:00.000-05:00

As I enter the dark dim church
I feel at home
As i chant and sing
I feel at home
As I sit with Chelsea
I feel at home

As I get a 45 minute break from my cell phone
I feel at peace
As I ask God to forgive me
I feel at peace
As I learn about a story in Mark
I feel at peace

It is so nice to go to church
A place I never enjoyed going as a kid
has now found a place in my heart
It is wonderful to have a church home
and I am so thankful I do and always will be welcome
At St. Pauls Episcopal Church in Fayetteville.

St. Pauls welcomes everyone
Is open to everything
and focuses on happiness

Great lessons are taught
And It feels good to go home a bit changed

Why haven't i gone more often?
Why is it that i realize how great it is
3 weeks before i leave for school?

Maybe these next two Sundays before I make my journey
will teach me more than I could have ever imagined

I need to feel at home
at peace
more often

21 AT LAST!

2006-07-20T18:55:00.000-05:00

CHEERS!
He finally made it...
no more fake id
no more worries
My big bro Will is 21

I'm so proud of this boy
He knows how to have a good time
and i'm glad to have spent so much time with him
and done so much

Thanks Will
For being the BEST big bro ever.
And Have a good 21st
Wish I could be there to share a DRINK!

CHEERS!!!

Busy and getting Busier

2006-07-19T22:37:00.000-05:00

It's been a long day
Work
Work
and more Work

Vacation Bible School
Babysitting
Madame Wus
What a schedule I have

But i'm so thankful I have the oppurtunity to work at the places I do
because if I didn't I wouldnt have had the experiences
and met the interesting people.
And as much as i dread going to work, i'm going to miss it
because of the realtionships that have come along with it.

When I find myself complaining about work
I have to tell myself
that I have it off so well
If a few part time jobs is the most of my worries
then I'd consider myself very lucky

And as the summer slows down
I am surprised to find myself saying that I will miss the boys I babysit
They complain, whine, cry, and spill
but I love the feeling I get when I see them happy
watch them learn

I will miss seeing them
I will miss the cooks at Madame Wus
Gina, Stephanie, and everyone else...
It really has been an incredibly good work experience
and I would never take it back

Busy
Busy
and getting busier...
I LOVE IT
I always have things to do, and
It beats watching MTV, TLC, Price is Right, and Family Feud all day
and it gives me a little extra spending money

I never thought work could be so much fun.

Everything Happens For a Reason

2006-07-17T23:01:00.000-05:00

Do you ever ask yourself where you will go when you die?
Death is something that I am constantly thinking about
I often live my life as if I will never die
and walk around thinking I have all the time in the world to tell the ones I love
that I couldn't have done it without them

It's scary to not know when it is coming
Who knows when we will take our last breath
I hear stories
The kind that you never want to hear
A boy in Tulsa flies out of a car and dies
My best friends brother is in a deathly car wreck
People are disappering before our eyes
It is terrifying to know you may never get the chance to talk to someone again.

And then do you ask yourself, what the hell am I doing with the short life that I live?
because I do, every day.
Should I live life with "no regrets"? Party non stop? Try everything once?
Or should I live my life following rules, making decisions based on what others believe
is right or wrong.
There are so many questions in this world left unanswered.
I don't know what I believe when it comes to religion, and spiritually.
There are so many options, ways to think of this world and everything beyond it
But the meanings are so hard to grasp
There has to be a God, look at everything around you
I have seen miracles
And when I pray, I tend to feel something
An Inner peace, a calming
And that is when I know that God is real
I'm not sure what God is like
and If I will ever figure out the right way to live my life
but for now I hope that I will get the chance
to live and figure it out, or attempt too.

I hope everyone around me is safe
And i am forever sorry for those who have lost loved ones
and for the things that may happen in the future
but for now, it's in Gods hands
Even though that is sometimes hard to believe
when you see the pain and hurt some go through

"Everything Happens For a Reason".
Do you believe it?

Central Park

2006-07-16T11:18:00.000-05:00

I've made it home
After a busy three days in the big apple
That city could never get boring
It would be impossible to run out of things to do and see
However it can be exhausting
All of the walking, shopping, eating, and shows
It becomes a bit overwhelming
I could never live in New York City, and if I did, I would frequently escape
to a beautiful place called Central Park
Isn't it great?

The Beauty of Relationships

2006-07-09T22:30:00.000-05:00

The Relationship of the five people you see before you is one that can never be broken
Together we have been through so much
and we will be together forever
Family is the most important relationship to form
Without my family I would not be the girl I am today.
They are my rock
And leaving home will be one of the biggest struggles
because I will no longer have my amazing mother to sit and watch tv with
or to simply be around
Even though I have somewhat failed on making family my biggest priority
I will always have a strong bond with every family member
My father has been my security and my guide
My brothers have both shaped me
This unit can never fall apart
There are, however, always those cuts and bruises
because every family has its battles
but getting through it will never be impossible

As I see other relationships around me fall apart I become forever grateful,
for my family is the realationship that will always stay
I can be my full self around these people
and tell them everything, without being judged
My friends, on the other hand, have made my life crazy
crazy in a good way
because together we always laugh, and yes, we do cry
but it is so amazing, the connection we all have
We are always bitchy and hostile, but I think thats just how life goes
and my life with my friends will be incredibly hard to leave
Relationships are a tricky thing
They are always screwed up, they cause pain, and they confuse the shit out of us
but life would be terribly boring withot the drama
and I cannot wait to continue building relationships next year
and for the rest of my life.

ME!

2006-07-08T02:49:00.000-05:00

The Day It all began...

2006-07-08T02:26:00.000-05:00

As I'm sitting at my new computer I have become overwhelemed
Have you ever noticed how many websites you can become a part of?
Facebook, my space, and blogging
Is this all turning into one big chore?
But the only answer that comes to my mind is, hell no, its 2:30 in the morning and I can't sleep
So why not create a blog?
It sounds like a good idea...a place to "vent", speak my mind
Hopefully a tool that will be useful in keeping my friends and family updated
The journey to college is coming up and I am nothing but nervous
Leaving everything familar and comfortable behind is not going to be easy
But worth it? I sure do pray it is.
I'm hoping to meet amazing professors, wonderful friends, and to experience independence and responsibility.
But for now, there is no need to talk about school,
because its summertime! and the livings easy.
These next 6 weeks will be amazing, because I have the best friends and family in the world.
In just 3 days I will be off to New York City to visit my biggest and best brother Chris.
He has taught me so much, and not to mention he is a blogging expert.
I can't wait to experience the rest of the summer,
Working two jobs is tough, but i keep busy and have fun, so it works out!
I hope to keep up with this whole blogging thing...
although I do have prior websites to attain to, I think this may be one of the best ones...
So comment all you want, and create a blog yourself!
because God knows we all need a place to write out our thoughts, and record whats going on around us
and maybe learn a thing or two.